The FIVE important stages of the Self-discovery journey

Photo: Yemi Ayodeji

Every day, we experience life in different phases. Even nature proves it. So is the journey of self-discovery. I believe the journey of life is that of self-discovery. You live, you learn, you stretch, and you discover more and more of your capabilities as you face life’s challenges/wins.

My family and I recently moved to a new country and as our custom, we reflect from time to time. (Saturday mornings have become gist mornings). As we (My husband and I) were having one of those conversations, reflecting on our journey as a couple, we realized that transitioning is quite familiar for us but this one … is VERY different. We started to highlight the things, processes, and mindsets that helped us in the past when we moved from Nigeria to China.

We were trying to find out how we can re-purpose those lessons to thrive in the new country (UK). However, what we discovered was that our previous move exposed some of our innate abilities and we discovered new things about ourselves as individuals that helped us thrive as a whole. We then concluded that as much as we will carry over the knowledge from our previous experience, we will be open to rediscovering more of ourselves in this new phase of our lives. As the systems are different in both countries, we need to adapt, and that comes with self-rediscovery.

The point is … the journey of life is a journey of self-discovery!

I’m sure you are convinced that you want to rediscover yourself (hopefully you are). So, in this post I will walk you through the cycle of the self-discovery journey, so you can figure out where you are and what you need to rediscover and reinvent yourself.

The five important stages of the Self-discovery journey

 The cycle of the self-discovery journey

1.      The Trigger

As I have previously mentioned, one of the things you should know about your self-discovery journey is that it begins with triggers. Emotional triggers. You should also know that before the trigger there were cues that are often ignored. The “If it’s not broken why fix it” mindset is what makes us ignore those little signals that we should pay attention to. Again, cues never appear as a problem until there is a problem, Hence, the trigger! For example, your relationships don’t last for more than 3 months but until the hard breakup, it’s not a big deal. You are very good at designing dresses but until you get sacked from your banking job, your unique asset is nothing.

Note: Cues checked in time are a sign of good self-awareness. At this phase, self-awareness is your best line of action. Take time to understand your previous patterns and experiences. Don’t forget to take down notes in a journal, as words create memories too.

2.      The Start-up

This is when your trigger(s) turn into action. You are in the mood to reinvent yourself and you cannot wait to prove your enemies wrong about you. You listen to anyone that seems to know something about your needs, you absorb so much free information you can access, and you want to see quick results of your effort. Be aware that your decision to begin your self-discovery journey is applaudable however, starting off the wrong way could lead to frustration. The goal is to understand yourself and get to know the stuff you are made of and that shouldn’t be overwhelming.

Note: At this point, having a structure is important. What’s your game plan? Do you want to read 1 book a month? Listen to a podcast? Watch videos? Take courses? Join a community? It is so important to have a guide or coach. I highly recommend it. You should also know that not everyone is your teacher and absorbing too much information doesn’t help.

3.      The “false” victory

This phase is an interesting one. I am literally smiling here remembering myself going through this phase. This is when you start to see some results in yourself although… this is NOT the results you want.

Let me give you an example.

When a woman is close to her due date of delivery, she begins to have false contractions just to prepare her body for the real deal. The same applies here! What you see, the compliments you get, and the early, little wins are good to keep you afloat. However, they do not indicate you have totally redefined yourself. These are just pointers to prove to you that you are on the right track and that you need to keep putting in the work.

I remember when I started to read books and gained a little knowledge of human behavior. I started to feel like I knew it all. I read the book “Why you act the way you do” by Tim LaHaye and I was feeling fly! I started looking outward by assessing my family and friends’ behavior and I remember being so judgmental about them, forgetting to look inwards and apply the knowledge to myself. You already know how that ended, I annoyed everyone and got frustrated that my effort is killing me rather than improving my life. Please, don’t be like me…Lol

Note: At this point, you need to stay grounded. Remain disciplined and committed to the structure you have in place. Complete the book, remain in your community, keep journaling, and don’t forget that alone time! In all you do, keep doing the work!

4.      The Breakdown

Oh no! You are not going to like it here. Sometimes, “false” victories lead to an abandonment of your journey. You feel like you are done with doing the inner work and ready to get back into the groove - your old lifestyle. You did get in the groove and end up with a breakdown. Here we go again… hurt, rejected, and whatever triggered the journey in the first place.

An Emotional breakdown is what happens when you dwell too long on your little victories, give in to distractions, and forget your journey of self-discovery. Distractions here could be in the form of negative feedback from people, prolonged excitement about your victories, instant gratification, self-doubt, fear, and so on. Anything that makes you abandon the process is a distraction. Of course, cues show up frequently to remind you of your journey, however, it’s most likely ignored.

Note: Mistakes are part of life’s experience. It doesn’t equate to failure. At this point, get up and start afresh. Try new methods, go slow, but don’t stay down. There’s more for you to gain than lose when you try again. Always remember, your life is worth your best shot!

5.      A fresh start

Now, we get to the good part *wink smiley emoji*

This is the beginning of the real journey, the life-long, sustainable, sweet experience of self-discovery. By now, you are tired of experiencing false victories, tired of getting hurt, tired of living for others, tired of the mess, and ready to live a fulfilling and wholesome life as a woman. A fresh start allows you to feel the abundance in life and enjoy it, to discover your unique asset and leverage it for freedom, and to create and enjoy meaningful relationships that last a lifetime.

 Note: At this point… invest in yourself, have a structure, stay committed, avoid information overload, and give yourself time. Self-discovery is a lifelong journey, there’s no need to rush. When you do this the right way, you build resilience, you understand the patterns, and you can always repurpose the wisdom throughout the journey.

Photo: Yemi Ayodeji (Self-discovery coach for women)

Final thoughts: Unfortunately, most people continue in the cycle of constant breakdown and never get to experience the joy of a fresh start due to fear, lack of courage, or maybe lack of proper guidance. I hope after reading this blog you are challenged to step out in boldness to do all it takes for you to redefine, rediscover, and reinvent yourself.

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